


Please, Let Yourself Cry

by NieRville



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Exhaustion, F/M, Introvert Romance, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nudity Without Sex, Soft Soft Fluff, showering together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 20:06:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14409639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NieRville/pseuds/NieRville
Summary: Makoto arrives home exhausted and needs comfort. It's the little things that Ren can give her and that she can appreciate that make her slowly feel better.





	Please, Let Yourself Cry

A Tuesday night and summer rain falling on the sixth-story window. The day had been hot and exhausting, so Makoto Niijima welcomed the sudden temperature drop and the refreshing rain. Especially so because she felt spent and close to tears. She also had left for the University without an umbrella, so she came home dripping wet.

Opening the front door, she heard Ren humming in the kitchen.

She managed to mumble something resembling ”I'm home” and pulled the door shut.

”Bad day?” Ren asked.

”I don't even know”, she muttered, and then took off her shoes.

Ren appeared from the kitchen, his own hair wet and combed back with his fingers, wet shirt glued to his skin, grinning like a fool in love. When he saw Makoto, his grin grew wider.

”You're wet”, he said and let out a warm, husky laugh.

”Well observed. A+”, said Makoto dryly. But she had to admit that Ren's warmth melted her sardonic attitude.

”Your hair looks nice”, she said.

”Yours does, too”.

Makoto turned to look at herself in the mirror. Her hair was thoroughly soaked and the bangs ran down in strands down her forehead. The cold drops made paths down along her neck.

”I look like a dog”, she said.

”Or a puppy", Ren said, and hugged her from behind. Makoto looked in the mirror as he planted a kiss on the side of her neck. ”I made some mochis and some rainy day coffee.”

”I want a shower first.”

”Well, I washed some towels and they're waiting for us, soft and fluffy.”

Makoto saw her own eyes grow bigger in the mirror, and as soon as she did, she turned around to face Ren and planted a kiss between his warm collarbones. His chin then rested on the top of her head, which Makoto took as a cue to cuddle her head against his chest then and there. The cuddle was a wet one, and a little cold, too, but it was a cuddle nonetheless and that was all that mattered.

Makoto was shivering. She didn't want to leave his arms, but knew that they couldn't stay there for long, lest she grow even colder.

”Let's shower together?” she asked.

Ren ran his hand down the back of her wet tunic.

”Let me wash your back?”

She dug her head deeper into her chest and said, ”I'd love you to.”

Ren kissed the top of her head and nuzzled her hair. She dug ever deeper and Ren understood what that meant.

”What's wrong?” he asked.

”I...” Makoto gulped. ”I don't know. My mind is racing.”

”Steeply downhill?”

She nodded.

”Let's get you into the shower, then.”

Ren put his hands on Makoto's waist. At that, she jumped and put her legs around him and then felt Ren put his hands on her thighs. His chest was firm but soft, and she felt his muscles move as he carried her into the bathroom.

”You're wet, too, you know”, Makoto said.

”I was waiting for you.”

”Sharing my miserable fate, then?”

”It's not miserable if we're together.”

She smiled at that. It hurt her pouting cheeks a little, but it was a nice thing to say and she nibbled at his neck.

”You... thing.”

”Such exquisite mastery of vocabulary.”

”I told you I'm tired.”

”Do you need help with that tunic?”

”I don't want to stand yet”, Makoto said.

”Then do it here”, he answered and danced his fingers on her thighs to slide the tunic from beneath his hands.

Makoto felt that she could hardly keep her eyes open, but she looked at Ren. The expression on his face was soft and open - soothing, so she kept looking at him in the eye and started taking off the tunic.

”It's completely soaked”, Makoto said, and pulled the tunic over head. She rolled it up, brought it in between their faces, and gave it a squeeze. Quite a lot of water spurted out and landed on her bare stomach. They both looked at the shirt, but then Makoto saw Ren shift his eyes to her hands.

He gave her fingers a kiss. That sent a gentle wave of pleasure through her hand into her heart and pumped it up to her cheeks. The corners of Makoto's mouth twitched, and tear rolled down her face, touching the weak smile. She felt cold and sensitive; a chill ran through her and she trembled in his hold.

”Now you need something warm”, Ren said, and walked them both straight into the shower. He gave her a quick push upwards and placed his left hand for her to sit on. She could then lay her head on his shoulder. Ren didn't seem to have trouble standing upright and supporting her with one hand. His body felt warm despite the wet clothes.

Ren turned on the faucet. The water hit the tiles and the gush of it sounded warm. Ren took the shower head to his hand and brought it next to Makoto. He whispered in her ear.

”Here. Is it good?”

”A little warmer.”

Turn.

”Better?”

”Mm.”

Her head still on his shoulder, he put the showerhead back up and then carried her under the shower. The flowing hot water started to warm up her clothes and thaw her cold, aching bones. She trembled again and felts tear swell up from inside. She let out a sob.

”I'll take those off, okay?” Ren said. Makoto didn't refuse.

Ren slowly lowered Makoto to the floor and she landed toes first, instantly feeeling the water run between them. She didn't want to stand up alone, though, so she kept leaning against Ren's chest as he started opening Makoto's bra. His fingers worked at her back and then released the bra from around her. The warm water finally flowed freely on her skin.

Makoto put her own hands to Ren's shirt and fumbled at its hem. It was a good effort, but the sudden cold of the night and the exhausting day seemed to have incapacited her. Ren took a gentle hold of her wrists and stopped her. She wanted to fight — and keep trying — and show him that she could do it. But she just didn't have it in her.

”You don't have to.”

But she wanted to. ”I need to.”

”You have had a rough day.”

”I need to, Ren. I want... to be useful.”

Gently, he took her wrists behind his own back — slowly enough so that if she had wanted to, she could've resisted — and pulled her a little closer. Makoto looked up at his face and his wet hair.

”You need to wind down”, he said.

”But it's...!” She felt the objection fizzle out and die. ”It's... it's so... difficult, Ren”, she said and swallowed. The water flowed down her face and caressed her cheeks; she then realized how she was grinding her teeth, face all tense.

Makoto was standing half-naked and fully wet in Ren's arms and she didn't want to cry. She wanted to form words and find objections and make him see her way. But no words came out. They died in her mouth and she only felt them as subtle, desperate movements of her tongue and a constriction in her throat.

The nascent words died and transformed into a miserable sob. She swallowed it and it burned her throat.

No burning throat would subjugate Niijima Makoto, she thought, and kept quiet, trying to show Ren just how strong she was.

Apparently she was an open book to Ren, though. He let go of her wrists and pulled her head closer to his chest and stroked her hair, glueing it even closer to her skin. She put her hands against his chest and balled her fists and opened her mouth and — cried. She let herself cry.

It began somewhere deep inside her, somewhere hidden and hurtful. It felt like tapping deep into an unknown source of hurt and melancholy, but the water and the intimacy made it easier. It was as if the shower beckoned the tears to come out to join their own kind and be washed away down her naked skin, safely in the arms of her most trusted one.

She had no idea where that hurt came from. Or what the reason. She had tried thinking about it the whole day but all there was was confusion and hurt and tears held back.

”Do you want to talk about it?”

”I...” She swallowed. ”I just... want to cry now.”

Once she had said that and let Ren hear it, she let out a long wail. She turned her face upwards, and she wept and wept and wept and let the shower wash away the pain from her face. She pressed her fists more firmly against Ren's unyielding chest. Ren held her by the sides, but she wanted to collapse on the floor. He let her.

Makoto curled up on the hot tiles and let the water comfort her and wash away her pain and her sense of time.

 

*

 

Makoto did not stay on the floor for too long, but it was enough time for Ren to take his own clothes off and kneel beside her, and then stroke her hair and shoulders and shouldblades. She felt the water starting to feel colder so she asked him to turn the heat up a little. The shower was steaming but she didn't mind. It helped her relax.

She wanted to say ”I'll take these off now”, but Ren probably had no idea what she said. It didn't matter, she knew. He let her be indecipherable at times - they trusted each other that much. No pushing her at a time like this.

Makoto slowly sat up and her soaked skirt and leggings and panties. It was awkward and slow, but she managed it. Now both of them were naked and she looked at his face. The water strangely emphasized his thick black hair - maybe it was even blacker now, although smaller. He smiled, to make contact and to ask whether she wanted to stand up already. She smiled in return, as weak as it was, but she felt a modicum of strength return to her body and her smile and, most of all, her heart.

She said, ”Let me wash you.”

Makoto took the piece soap in her hand and turned off the shower. After the water ran down the drain, the only sounds left were their breathing. She lathed the soap - salt soap, with grapefruit scent - in her wet hands and started forming the soft, moisturising foam characteristic of salt soap, and spread it on Ren's chest.

Makoto looked him in the eye.

”Thank you.”

She rose on tiptoe and kissed him on the lips.

Then she lowered her eyes and spread some soap on his heart. From there, Makoto started creating a growing clockwise spiral, always with a little more pressure at where his heart was. Following the spreading soap with her eyes, she caressed his pectorals and collar bones and the topmost abs. Once she had spread it far enough, with great enough care, she raised her head. Ren was looking back at her, smiling his most precious smile.

They kept eye contact while Makoto spread more soap all over his frontside. She smirked when she reached his arms and somehow still, after a few years, blushed at the spontaneity of her reaction. The romantic highs were not everyday, of course, but they took great care in keeping the love aflame. Times like these were very good for it — feeling extremely vulnerable and finding trust and comfort in each others' arms.

Makoto guided Ren to turn around. In the steamy booth that now smelled strongly of salted citrus, she admired his back in peace as she spread the soap all over it. The contours, the firmness, his bones, the placement of his moles, a couple of scars here and there. She used more force now, to rub tension away from his shoulders and his back. He moaned in response. And then, his butt wasn't bad to look at, either, or to spread soap on. Or his thighs, or his legs, or his feet. Looking at him in peace like this, caressing him, washing him — it made her feel as good as if she were the one being caressed. She felt Ren's love and trust.

Then Makoto took the showerhead to her hand, put on the water, and washed off the soap, inch by loving inch.

When she was done, she turned off the shower and kissed him on the ear to let him know it was her turn then. He acknowledged her wish by placing a tender kiss on the lips.

Ren began by washing her feet, spreading the soft, slippery foam between her toes. The salt soap felt gentle and purifying and Makoto loved it. She closed her eyes and took in the scent and the steamy air and Ren's caress. He felt around her muscles and knew quite well where to apply more pressure. She further guided him by soft mm's and yes theres. The air did start feeling a little hard to breathe, but she took that as an opportunity to relax, as well. Sometimes the best way to relax, after all, was to face discomfort face to face and feel that there really is nothing to worry about.

Once Ren reached her lower back, she said ”ow”. The muscles at the base of her spine seemed to be especially tender today.

”Do you want me to rub you there?” Ren asked. She said yes.

Then she said ow.

He asked, ”Really?”.

And she said, ”Really”.

Then she said ow again, and when Ren continued, the ow started to slowly soften into a warm mm. The transforming pain sent warm waves of relaxation both downwards and upwards. She was in good hands, and she let his caresses slowly wash and rub away all the bad things their lives.

 

*

 

Ren hadn't lied when he said he had the towels ready, and they really were soft and fluffy. Ren dried Makoto, she dried him, and then they settled into their bathrobes. She sat on the sofa and let Ren brush her hair. She let herself relax in his hands and felt how the spikes on the brushes massaged her scalp. The small pulls of the hair just made it easier to relax into it. Ren was in control.

Suddenly Makoto realized she had been smiling for some time now. The tension she had felt when she came home had all but disappeared and after the painful beginning, pretty effortlessly. It always seemed to go like this. Discomfort came from somewhere, and she kept thinking about how to overcome it, and then started overthinking, and then the thoughts made the discomfort worse. And all the while, the right solution was to let go of the thoughts and trust action and touch and sensation.

”Keep doing that, please.”

”Brushing your hair?” Ren said.

”Please. Especially behind the ears.”

She kept her eyes shut as he kept going. She also heard him simultaneously do that thing to his own hair that kept it the way it was. People often asked what was Ren's secret to his hair but he never let them know. Even Makoto had had to wait for months to find out. It might have been just hair, but fundamentally it was about being let in on a secret. It was irrefutable proof of how much she meant to him and how much he trusted her.

Makoto also had a thing about her hair. She hadn't realized it before Ren but she was really proud and even somewhat possessive of her hairband. Whether she had told her secret first, or it was him first, she couldn't tell anymore — it had been around the same time and both had been meaningful events. It seemed to her that it was the little things like that that had come to matter. They were ridiculous, in a sense, but she felt safety in admitting some of her ridiculousness and being accepted and loved for them.

The lovely, little things.

 

*

 

As the evening progressed, Makoto seemed to forget that she had ever felt bad in the first place. And Ren didn't pry, either. The reasons didn't matter — the things that mattered were right here. Fresh mochis, new cups of coffee (they saved the cooled coffee for cooking and baking), and two of their favorite things: silence and books.

They sat down on the opposite sides of the sofa so that they could eye each other easily. Moreover, this way they could hold their naked, freshly washed feet in each other's laps. When they needed a break from reading, they could put the book down for a while and gently massage the other's feet.

They exchanged some words about the books they were reading, but Makoto wasn't much in the mood for talking anymore. She needed silence and she valued touch. Luckily, Ren did too.

Slowly but surely, though, the exhaustion and the subsequent relaxation started taking their toll. She felt her eyes start drooping, and as determined as Makoto was to stay awake, it became harder by the minute. The rain on the window, now calmer than before, did nothing to help, nor did the soft whispers of the books when they turned pages. She sometimes rubbed or kissed Ren's feet, but their softness and their raisin-like wrinkles only added to her sleepiness.

And the next thing she knew, she was in Ren's arms in the dark bedroom. By the cool air on her skin, she felt her bathrobe was a little open. Makoto looked at Ren in the face and almost said something and he said, ”Shh. Just sleep.”

He carried her onto the bed. The pillow welcomed her drowsy head and Ren covered her with a clean, soft blanket.

Ren kissed her softly on the soft cheek and said goodnight.

Right before she closed her eyes, she saw how remarkably beautiful the moon was that night. And then, she fell asleep.


End file.
